oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
