guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
