Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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