Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
