I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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