Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
