I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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