This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
