Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
