I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
