I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
