Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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