So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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