No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize