did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
