Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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