You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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