You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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