Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
