I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize