so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
