i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
