i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
