i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
