You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
