i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
