Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She bit a glass in half.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
