remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
