Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
