I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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