Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
