Don't make out with my wife yet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
