Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
