now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
