they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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