I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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