You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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