If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
