I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
