areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
