hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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