Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Even my vagina gasped.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
