in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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