Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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