so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
