you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize