SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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