Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
