haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sex in a hospital.. check
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
