OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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