So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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