my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
