Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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