Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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