i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize