All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would ride that face into the sunset
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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