i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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