Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry my hands just texted you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
