are you still at the devil's house?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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