There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
