New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
