I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
