capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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