i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
