haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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