my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
