I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
