Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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