If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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