cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
