Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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