please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
