Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I see more hoeing in ur future
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