Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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