She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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