Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
