i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
