You're completely useless in the revolution.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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