Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
